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| Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles. Isaiah 40:31 |
We got home from Rwanda with Jonathan on Oct. 30, 2011- a
little over a year ago. I remember
those first few months, the days
seemed so long and hard as we all learned how to adjust. Jonathan was learning
how to navigate his new world (things like not running in the street, not to
touch the stove, how to use a toilet), how to relate to people outside the
social system of an orphanage (this is an on going process) and learning a new
language. Gaven, was learning how to be a sibling after being an only child for almost 10 years. Max and I
were learning how to best connect with Jonathan. I was exhausted everyday. I
used every ounce of energy (mentally, physically and spiritually). There were
times I wondered how I was going to make it another day. A dear friend of mine
who has 3 adopted kiddos from Rwanda of her own told me things would settle
down and seem “normal” in about a year. A year seemed so far away… Amazing how
the year flew by! I wished I journaled and documented more but I did the best I
could and took lots of pictures and videos. My friend was right on with
everything. She said the first few months would seem like a blur and my son
would probably forget most of it- both are true. She said he would learn
English in about 3-4 months- he did. She said 6 months would be a turning point
of sorts- it was, life started to get a little easier. Now at a year it seems
like we’ve always had Jonathan in our lives . None of us can imagine life
without him- to quote Gaven, “life would be boring.”
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| Our Re-Adoption Day in California!! |
Jonathan adds so much to all our lives. He has stretched
us in ways we never would’ve otherwise been stretched and grown. Adopting a
toddler truly causes you to lay down your life, pick up your cross and rely on
God. Your weaknesses will come to the forefront of life and demand to be dealt
with- which is not easy to do in the midst of everything else going on. Life’s
blessings will also become much richer and you will understand God’s
unconditional love and sacrifices much deeper and personal way. And when you
connect with another adoptive family walking down the same path as you, the
bonding is immediate as you relate to each other’s stories.
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| Hiking at Red Rocks, NV - Nov. 2012 |
Jonathan’s transformation has been amazing to witness. Not
only seeing how fast he has learned to navigate his new world but also seeing
his “true” self emerge as his brain literally rewires itself from survival mode
to trust and safety in everyday relations. I would love to write more about
what that has looked like another time.
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| At Grandpa & Grandma's house - Nov. 2012 |
Jonathan loves his family. He snuggles with me and his
dad. He has a really sweet, nurturing side- he will stroke my face and say how
pretty I am or sit in my lap and pet my hair.He likes the feel of skin so he
rubs my arms when I’m holding him. He also adores his big brother, Gaven. Gaven
has been amazing with him. Gaven has more patience than any kid or adult I
know! Gaven has taught Jonathan about giving and playing better than anyone.
Jonathan has also gone from being scared of the dog to wanting to have him sit
on his lap and pet him when on the couch. Jonathan has settled down so much. He
can actually sit still now and has an attention span. This list of changes that
have happened over the year is endless. We have worked very slow and patiently
with him- introducing him to things very slowly and at his pace. We’ve allowed
him plenty of space to grow (not reacting to his intense reactions), realizing
he is sensitive to stressors of any kind and trying to be proactive about
accounting for those needs. We could not do this without the support and
encouragement of our family and friends. It truly has taken a village.
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| Preschool Thanksgiving Party - Nov. 2012 |
My Simplified, Best Advice if You Have Adopted
Find a support
group of other adoptive families, don’t be shy about asking for help from
family or friends (you need time away, even if for an hour), educate yourself
about raising a child with past trauma (even a stressful pregnancy and delivery
can alter the brain’s stress chemicals and is a risk factor for behavioral
problems).
My Simplified, Best Advice if You Know Someone Who Has Adopted
Don’t wait for them to ask you for help, freely offer it! And
don’t just offer help- schedule it! Say “I want to come over Friday night so
you can your spouse can go out. What time should I come over?”… or something
like that. The first year, especially the first months are so hard that trying
to ask or accept help can seem too overwhelming to coordinate. Bring a meal
(that can be frozen) or bag of snacks. Reach out over the phone (to listen, not
judge or give advise), send emails (that don’t require the person to respond
to), send cards- anything to provide encouragement. It can be so draining and
isolating (especially for the stay at home mom) that anything you can do to
uplift the family or individuals in the family (don’t forget about the
siblings!) is well appreciated.
Additional Amazing facts about Jonathan:
September 2011 height & weight- 39.5 inches & 34.5
pounds
November 2012 height & weight- 45 inches & 43.5
pounds
In
this past year, he’s grown over 5 inches & gained almost 10 pounds!
