When I first committed to this adoption process I was determined to get everything done as fast as possible and break some land speed adoption records! I spent every free moment on paper work and reading book after book on parenting adopted children. My passion is still just as real but something has shifted in my approach. It's hard to explain. It's probably easiest to understand with an analogy that I picture in my mind. Imagine the adoption process as a river... I dropped my kayak in the water. With my paddle in hand I started paddling fast and hard. At every sign of rough water, I tried to push my way to the other side of the river to avoid the rapids and go where I thought I should go. When I couldn't maneuver around the rapids, I tried to use all my power to get out of them as fast as possible. My strength was draining and I still had a long way to go. It didn't take me long to realize the river was in control of where I went, not me. I needed to take a break and recapture my strength so I could start paddling hard again. However, when I slowed down to catch my breath and started to contemplate the path ahead, I realized the river had no end to it. This river is The Forever River. There is no need to rush and push and strain. All that does is wear me out. Instead I am learning to go with the river's flow. Somewhere in this process, I have began to enjoy and appreciate this place on The Forever River. I traded in my kayak for an inner-tube! I will never again have this time on The Forever River. I will never again be a mom of one child. I will never again have the new awe of all I am learning about orphans and other adoptive families. I will never again be in this exciting part of The Forever River! My passion is still just as strong, actually it grows stronger the further down The Forever River I go but I am more relaxed. There are still rapids - times I have to deal with unexpected turns. And there are still times the current seems so slow I wonder if things are moving along at all. The Forever River hasn't changed but my heart has.I hope this analogy can express in images what my words cannot. As I was typing, the saying "Be Still and Know I AM God" came to mind. I guess, I have had to turn to God so often in this process that I just realized on a deeper level that He is in control and I'm not. I knew that before but I have learned it again on another level in my soul. My child will be my child when God sees fit. I can either try and make it happen in my time or relax and enjoy the process and trust God and His timing. He is pleased with our adoption and loves our child more than we ever will. Ultimately, our child is in God's hands not ours. I cannot quicken his "delivery" no more than a pregnant mom can quicker hers.
We have completed everything necessary for our home study over a month ago... yet we still wait. The draft was sent last week from our local agency (the one doing the home study) to Gladney (our adoption agency). We are waiting for it to be finalized. I'm happy to know it's moving along in God's timing.
Can you remember a time in life when you realized the path to your goal was just as important as the goal?
