One Year as a Family of Four

Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles. Isaiah 40:31

We got home from Rwanda with Jonathan on Oct. 30, 2011- a little  over a year ago. I remember those first  few months, the days seemed so long and hard as we all learned how to adjust. Jonathan was learning how to navigate his new world (things like not running in the street, not to touch the stove, how to use a toilet), how to relate to people outside the social system of an orphanage (this is an on going process) and learning a new language. Gaven, was learning how to be a sibling  after being an only child for almost 10 years. Max and I were learning how to best connect with Jonathan. I was exhausted everyday. I used every ounce of energy (mentally, physically and spiritually). There were times I wondered how I was going to make it another day. A dear friend of mine who has 3 adopted kiddos from Rwanda of her own told me things would settle down and seem “normal” in about a year. A year seemed so far away… Amazing how the year flew by! I wished I journaled and documented more but I did the best I could and took lots of pictures and videos. My friend was right on with everything. She said the first few months would seem like a blur and my son would probably forget most of it- both are true. She said he would learn English in about 3-4 months- he did. She said 6 months would be a turning point of sorts- it was, life started to get a little easier. Now at a year it seems like we’ve always had Jonathan in our lives . None of us can imagine life without him- to quote Gaven, “life would be boring.”

Our Re-Adoption Day in California!! 

Jonathan adds so much to all our lives. He has stretched us in ways we never would’ve otherwise been stretched and grown. Adopting a toddler truly causes you to lay down your life, pick up your cross and rely on God. Your weaknesses will come to the forefront of life and demand to be dealt with- which is not easy to do in the midst of everything else going on. Life’s blessings will also become much richer and you will understand God’s unconditional love and sacrifices much deeper and personal way. And when you connect with another adoptive family walking down the same path as you, the bonding is immediate as you relate to each other’s stories.

Hiking at Red Rocks, NV - Nov. 2012

Jonathan’s transformation has been amazing to witness. Not only seeing how fast he has learned to navigate his new world but also seeing his “true” self emerge as his brain literally rewires itself from survival mode to trust and safety in everyday relations. I would love to write more about what that has looked like another time.

At Grandpa & Grandma's house - Nov. 2012

Jonathan loves his family. He snuggles with me and his dad. He has a really sweet, nurturing side- he will stroke my face and say how pretty I am or sit in my lap and pet my hair.He likes the feel of skin so he rubs my arms when I’m holding him. He also adores his big brother, Gaven. Gaven has been amazing with him. Gaven has more patience than any kid or adult I know! Gaven has taught Jonathan about giving and playing better than anyone. Jonathan has also gone from being scared of the dog to wanting to have him sit on his lap and pet him when on the couch. Jonathan has settled down so much. He can actually sit still now and has an attention span. This list of changes that have happened over the year is endless. We have worked very slow and patiently with him- introducing him to things very slowly and at his pace. We’ve allowed him plenty of space to grow (not reacting to his intense reactions), realizing he is sensitive to stressors of any kind and trying to be proactive about accounting for those needs. We could not do this without the support and encouragement of our family and friends. It truly has taken a village.

Preschool Thanksgiving Party - Nov. 2012

My Simplified, Best Advice if You Have Adopted

Find a support group of other adoptive families, don’t be shy about asking for help from family or friends (you need time away, even if for an hour), educate yourself about raising a child with past trauma (even a stressful pregnancy and delivery can alter the brain’s stress chemicals and is a risk factor for behavioral problems).

My Simplified, Best Advice if You Know Someone Who Has Adopted

Don’t wait for them to ask you for help, freely offer it! And don’t just offer help- schedule it! Say “I want to come over Friday night so you can your spouse can go out. What time should I come over?”… or something like that. The first year, especially the first months are so hard that trying to ask or accept help can seem too overwhelming to coordinate. Bring a meal (that can be frozen) or bag of snacks. Reach out over the phone (to listen, not judge or give advise), send emails (that don’t require the person to respond to), send cards- anything to provide encouragement. It can be so draining and isolating (especially for the stay at home mom) that anything you can do to uplift the family or individuals in the family (don’t forget about the siblings!)  is well appreciated.

Additional Amazing facts about Jonathan:

September 2011 height & weight- 39.5 inches & 34.5 pounds

November 2012 height & weight- 45 inches & 43.5 pounds

In this past year, he’s grown over 5 inches & gained almost 10 pounds!

Our First Few Months With Jonathan

We brought Jonathan home on October 30th, 2011. So we've had him home about 3 months.

First Weeks
The first few weeks were great... we still were on the honeymoon :) Jonathan was still quiet, super eager to please, did whatever we wanted, eat everything put in front of him. It was great... however, it was also probably just his uncertainty with his new situation. He woke up every night crying. Thankfully, we would just go in his room (which he shares, with his older brother- who slept through it all) and just soothe him back to sleep and he would sleep until morning. I have no idea why he would cry and wished we had words back then to talk to him about it but we didn't. He was basically potty trained. However, he had a few accidents (no biggie). We put him in a pull-up at night. I don't think he was ever night potty trained. He loved playing outside and quickly learned how to ride a Razor, skateboard and bike!! One of his favorite things to do was look at the photo album I made of our time in Rwanda together. I printed all the photos of him and us and put them in a book. I also added photos of the family as they came to visit. He loved to look at the pictures from when we first met and would visit at Home of Hope, pictures of Isabella (the girl that was adopted by the other couple from Gladney in Rwanda the same time we were), and pictures of his bed and the sisters at Home of Joy (the orphanage he was moved to in January 2011).

The Next Month
The first month after the first few weeks were the hardest. He was feeling more comfortable and safe in his new family- which is great. But he also started saying NO to everything and we didn't know enough words to communicate things so it was frustrating. He wouldn't want to put on his seat belt, he didn't want help with anything (even things he could do)... We joked he was in the terrible 2 stage. And Gaven's teacher (who had adopted 2 older kids from Russia and was/is very helpful to us and Gaven) called him No-No-Noel. That time has probably been the hardest because he didn't know enough English for us to communicate with him and no history to base what we were doing on. We just loved him through it and did our best to no to judge him based on his tantrums. We had enough training to know it wasn't defiance but fear and uncertainty that drove his behaviors. Another really hard thing for me was his constant need for my attention. He wanted me one on one all the time. His favorite words were "Look, Mama, Look". It was sweet but so non stop it wore me out. I could be looking right at him and he would still say it over and over. I figured he was making up for all his lost time on not having one on one time with anyone before. I did my best to give him all the attention I could with a smile even when I wasn't feeling it. It was about this time he started sleeping through the night. A huge deal for my husband and I!! We started getting a full nights sleep! Jonathan started to show food preferences. He still eats like a horse and doesn't seem to know when he is full.

One of my saving graces during this time was walks with Jonathan in the stroller. So many generous friend gave me Target gift cards that I was able to buy a jogging stroller (the other ones were too small for Jonathan). Everyday we would take the dog for a long walk. The other benefit of this time was it was a way for Jonathan to have down time. He would just sit and totally relax.

One nice thing is that he is very attached to his mama and papa. When he first mets new people he likes us to hold him and he looks away putting his head on our shoulder. This is good because sometimes when a child is adopted they have no idea of the various levels of relationships (stranger, acquaintance, friend, distant family, close family) and will go with anyone. This made me very nervous- but thankfully he warms up slowly. Once he does know the person he is super playful and interactive. He loves to talk on the phone to his grandparents, Aunt Amy and cousin Leah (especially Leah because she uses Face Time so he gets to see things while he is talking).

The Last Month
I can see the tide changing. Jonathan can speak English so well. He really has picked up the language fast. He doesn't get some things but we get what he means. For example, when he is hungry he says he wants food- sometimes food means he wants a meal, not a snack but a bowl of rice, beans and salsa. If we offer a banana or something and he says "No, I want food." We know he wants a meal. It took us a few times to figure it out... we kept saying "This is food." and he would say "No, I want food." He loves rice mixed with any sort of bean or lentil and veggie combination, especially with salsa. He thinks salsa and ketchup should be a meal on it's own. He could eat a bowl of both (not mixed together) with no food to go with them! Because he is always wanting food, I typically leave a bowl of nuts and fruit and his water bottle out for him to graze on throughout the day. He still loves to eat but has started telling us when he is full- a great thing!

His attention span has also grown along with his language skills... which means he will sit and watch a cartoon. This is an awesome break for me! He likes "the monkey one" = Curious George and Elmo. Some other things he enjoys is drawing. He will draw things on 30 different pages and saves them all for his grandma Jackie. Another great thing has been the Aquamat. We can draw on that for about 20 minutes. He figured out he can make raindrops by shaking the water pen above the mat. He will do that until the whole mat is covered with rain. When my older boy is home from school they build legos together. Jonathan loves his older brother and Gaven is amazingly good with him. He still loves to play outside with a ball, Razor and skateboard.

We still do our stroller walks, although a lot of the time he wants to walk part of it. We have a routine. We walk the same way almost every time. About a quarter mile from home we end the walk at a beautiful ocean overlook. Lately, Jonathan has enjoyed spending up to 20 minutes there just sitting on the bench on my lap or finishing his snack. Then he likes to walk home, not in the stroller.

He still needs Pull-Ups at night. We aren't even close to thinking about trying to get him night time potty trained. Our oldest son didn't master that until he was 5 or 6 so we don't care. We are just happy he sleeps all night!

He doesn't look at his photo book everyday like he use to but if I pull it out he enjoys it. I like it because it gives us an opportunity to talk about Rwanda and his home now. Each time we look at it we talk about a new things (as well as the same stuff we always say when we look at different pictures). My hope is that the topic of his adoption and anything related will always seem ok for him and if he has any questions he will have the opportunity and comfortability to ask. As he learns more English I expand my questions and comments on the photos.

We have a new saying around our house it's "say it nicely or try again nicely". Jonathan can be very demanding and yell his requests. So we are teaching him to use nice words. We praise him for it over and over. Instead of yelling or crying he is using his words and he will say "Jonathan says it nicely".  It's basically asking for a redo. It's working really well. It's a lot to keep up on but I have found if I'm consistent and don't slack off because I'm tired he is also more consistent. At times when everything is good we will joke around and role play about being not nice and being nice. He laughs when I act not nice and claps when I act nice. Then he does the acting and I do the commenting.

As we get over hump of these first few months it has been getting easier and he feels more and more like my son and less and less like I'm babysitting a relative. I would say I'm probably 80% of the way there. My playfulness and goofy reactions are becoming more automatic and less conscious. I noticed the other day I started using affectionate nicknames The latest is sweetie pie, and the other day when we left the dermatologist he told the doctor "Bye Sweetie"! I realized my love for him was deepening. I use silly, affectionate names for my oldest son all the time.

Things are moving alongs slowly but surely. I could write a ton more but this post is getting long. Next time I will write about preschool, church and an "almost" overnight at his aunt's house. :) Thanks again for all your prayers and support. It is so amazing to see how God is forming our family and touching the hearts of others for adoption at the same time. God never promised it would be easy but He does promise to be there through it all. God is loving us through it all and putting lots of people in our path to love on us too! We appreciate it all!

Christmas morning at Grandma Jackie's house with cousins.

Fun swimming in Grandpa and Nona's pool over Christmas.

My Wonderful Guys!

How Noel became Jonathan

Bittersweet Beginnings
In October 2011 we traveled to Rwanda to meet our son and bring him home. We started the adoption process in November 2009- so it was almost a two year process. Our trip to Rwanda was an answer to many, many prayers and many, many sorrows. My husband and I arrived on a Sunday and went straight to the orphanage to meet our 4 year old son, Noel, for the first time. Those first few days visiting him was surreal. There were about 9 other families also finalizing their adoptions and bringing their kiddos home too. On Wednesday, we were at the orphanage enjoying every moment with Noel... Thursday we would not be able to visit him because Thursday is a day of prayer at the orphanage and therefore it is closed to any visitors. We were looking forward to Friday because we would forever take physical possession of our precious son! At about 4pm (on Wed.- an hour before we had to leave the orphanage) I noticed our cell phone ringing in my purse. It was my husband's mom. I answered, thinking it was strange she was calling and it had to be important. She didn't talk to me, just asked for my husband. My stomach turned... as I knew something bad had happened... it was in her voice and she never has not talked to me. I handed the phone to my husband and he walked away into a private room. I knew in my heart what had happened but I didn't want to assume anything and I had Noel. I put it out of my mind and played with my son. After a long while my husband returned. We didn't talk about it, both knowing if we did we wouldn't be able to focus on Noel and we wanted to enjoy our last moments with him since we wouldn't get to see him the next day. Max's mom had called to tell us his father had died unexpectedly from a heart attack. This tragedy was the worse news we could've gotten. The rest of our trip was extremely stressful, as each moment in Rwanda was a moment my husband wasn't home grieving with his family. It was horrible on him. One beautiful blessing was the compassion of the Rwandans. They were so sympathetic to our situation they got us out of there in one week instead of the typical two. Then we had 6 days in Kenya to finalize Noel's visa. One bittersweet thing about Max's dad's death was he was showing his friends pictures of Noel at the time he had his heart attack. He was so excited and proud about his new grandson.

Max's dad's name was John- aka Papa Johnny. He was a retired space engineer. He actually worked for the same company his whole life- started and ended his career at Boeing. Isn't that amazing! He was a loyal man, believed in doing the right thing, helped others through difficult times and loved his family.

Naming Noel
One of the things Max and I talked about was naming Noel. We decided in Rwanda to make his middle name Jonathan after his Papa Johnny. Fast forward one month or so..... Max thought maybe we should change Noel's (pronounced "no" "el") to Nole. Noel is typically a girl's name in the United States and Max thought it might be better to alter his name slightly so it is unmistakably a boy's name. One day when Noel and I were in the car I was asking him if he liked Nole instead of Noel. He liked it. Then I asked him how he like Jonathan as his middle name. He boy went crazy!! He pumped his fists in the air and said, "Jonathan, Jonathan!" I wish I had the whole thing on video! He was so excited. The conversation continued about like this:
     Me: You like the name Jonathan?
     Noel: Jonathan, Jonathan (hitting himself on the chest)
     Me: Do you like Jonathan better than Nole?
     Noel: Yes, Jonathan (still smiling, kicking his legs)
     Me: Do you want to be called Jonathan Noel and no Nole Jonathan?
    Noel: Me Jonathan, Me Jonathan (more physical excitement)

From that moment on I knew his name would be Jonathan Noel McGhee. We haven't legally changed his name yet. We will do that at the same time we readopt him (we plan to readopt him so he can have a California birth certificate and US passport). Calling him Jonathan has been an adjustment but we are all getting pretty good at remembering now. Jonathan LOVES his new name. I think his excitement and desire to have Jonathan as his name is a gift from God. It is a beautiful thing.

Too cute not to post!! Jonathan loves his new life!!

I'll write more about our first months home and post pictures in my next entry. It's been a long time since I've wrote anything. It's been a huge adjustment, so much to digest. I've thought many times about blogging but couldn't form words to express everything that has happened and is happening. I think I'm ready :)

Introducing... Noël!!!

Our first official family photo... it isn't our "family" yet.. we need Gaven in it!

Noël is legally ours, as of Thursday, October 20, 2011!  He is 4 years old, tall and thin. He has spent most his life in an orphanage until now. When we first met him he was shy, which is what the referral letter said- "he is quiet and shy". I think this is true only when he first meets people because tonight, he has been smiling, dancing and talking up a storm. We have no idea what he is saying but love to hear him talk. Each day he opens up more and more. We meet him last Sunday and on Friday we were able take permanent custody. Today he spontaneously told Max, his papa, he loved him very much in kinyarwanda (we know a few words). Max was cutting him and apple and he was bouncing around. It's so nice. He seems to be more of a daddy's boy. Although he hasn't shied away from me, I can just tell. We think maybe because he has never had a daddy caretaker- and of course because Max is so wonderful with him.

Noël and his "papa"... Noël can't wait to see his photos!

Things I've learned about Noël so far:
He tells us yes by raising his eyebrows. He tells us no by waving his finger back and forth- I love when he does this it is so cute! He will pout his lips out if he is "mad", he hasn't really been mad mad but it's  a face to say more than no- it means don't do that. He likes to be held when we are out. He likes to help do things- like put the crackers back in the package or use the key to open the door.

He LOVES his soccer ball, toy airplane, PJs and teddy bear. We brought several toys and we just sort of cycle through them all. Reminds me of when my son, Gaven was little and we did the same thing. I can't wait to be home and have a big, grassy area to play ball. Noël loves to kick the ball back and forth and he kicks strong! He slept well his first night with us. He was happy about the PJs and teddy bear. After I gave him the teddy bear we had a 15 minute play session just throwing it up in the air over and over. We pushed the beds together so it's like one big, big bed.

Yummy crackers!

He loves to eat. He takes huge bites. He can eat 3 bananas in a row (they are smaller than ours in America). He drinks a lot of water. He likes his cup with a straw I brought. I just keep it full with water.

So far things have gone so great. I was expecting the worse- him crying when we met, when we took him, all night... but he has really only cried once. That was when he couldn't put my earring on. He didn't get that he doesn't have a hole and I do. But it didn't last long. A few times he looked weepy and unsure but that was because of the situation we were in at the time. He wailed on Wednesday when we said goodbye to him at the orphanage- that broke my heart despite it being a good sign at the time.

My cool new dude!

Our next big stop is Kenya. I hope things continue to go well. We won't have anyone translating or explaining things there. After we do what we need there to get his visa, we will be homeward bound. I am so excited about that! I think he will travel well. I'm sure some melt downs will come but I hope they come when we are home. I'm enjoying the honeymoon :)

Meeting Our Son

Signing our Act of Adoption - starting the legal process!

Max signing.

After our long 3 days of travel to get here we drove to the orphanage! I still am not suppose to say any identifying comments about our son. We have to wait until we have our court decree and he is legally ours- hopefully later this week we can flood you with pictures! Today we signed the Act of Adoption, which gets the legal process going. Tomorrow we are going to go ask for a court date. The court date can happen either later tomorrow (Tuesday), Wednesday or Thursday. Please pray we make it in tomorrow. There is a larger group from another agency, 6 families, so we hope to get in before them.

Bonita (our Gladney in country contact), the Pizzutelli's and us at lunch.

Our meetings with our son.
It's strange to meet a stranger and think of him as your son. My love for him has already been growing but now it truly begins. I wanted to cry the second day (Tuesday) we met when he skipped back down to the kids area with the nuns. We had a good time with him and I can't wait to have him home! He's so smart. This transition of short visits each day (2 hours in the afternoon) is good for us both. Just the right amount of time to play and connect and get use to each other. Soon we will get to visit in the mornings as well- right now we have had stuff to do in the mornings and therefore miss the morning visitation hours that end at 11am. It works out well to have the visiting length of time gradually increasing.

He was so sweet the first day. I was prepared for the worst- crying, not wanting to engage. But he didn't do that! He engaged with us for about half of the visit and wandered around to other families and kids the other half. It was good. It's hard with 8 families and their new kids all in  one small court yard area. But it is also a good transition for the kids. The kids get to see each other doing the same thing they are doing- meeting their new parents and being adopted. Yesterday, we played some soccer. Our son would yell at Max and say "papa" when he wanted to kick the ball to him. He calls us mama and papa but he doesn't really know what that means. It still melts our hearts. When we show him pictures he points us out and says mama, papa. Love it!

He loved the short video of our friend and her daughter singing a kid's song in kinyarwanda. He sang with them and we joined in. It was fun. We watched it several times together. We will have to connect with our friends and their Rwanda born kiddos as soon as we've mellowed out at home for a while.

Video: Friends Teach Us a Song in Kinyarwanda

A friend of ours, Elizabeth, adopted 3 beautiful children from Rwanda years ago before the country was really "open" for adoption. She is an amazing woman in many, many ways! Her family is so excited about us bringing home our little one. Her children taught her and her husband this song when they first came home. Now her youngest daughter, Erica, wants to pass it on to us to learn and sing to our precious one. This is so, so precious I had to share it with you!!

I'm A Mommy Again!!

Can't wait for these little feet to be running around my home!

Monday morning, September 26th, I got the email I have been waiting for.... the one with the picture of my son in Rwanda! My husband and I were so thrilled and couldn't believe it. I read the email and then had to rush off to work. It was the weirdest day as I tried to live my life as usual but knew everything was about to change. I've spent the week rushing around trying to get as much done as possible before we leave on Oct. 14th to bring him home. I thought I would have a ton of words to write but it all seems to fall flat when I try to express how this past week has been.

The one thing I can say that has been absolutely amazing to me is the pouring out of support our friends and family has shown us. The people at my work have rallied the staff and students asking for donations to help us with the plane tickets- they have plastic bracelets that say 'Make a Difference', they are throwing me a shower and encouraging me to take the week off before we leave to 'nest'! :) My husband's work has been equally supportive to him. And my (non-work) friends are throwing me a shower and family is so excited. It's just be a very cool feeling of love and excitement.

Our son, Gaven, is excited too. One neat thing is that his teacher has adopted 2 children herself so she gets it all and has been supportive. Gaven will not be traveling with us. He doesn't want to go and miss school, baseball and playing outside. My parents are coming to live in our house and take him to school and practice and help take care of everything (cat, dog, plants, life!). Gaven is thrilled to have his grandparents living with him for 3 weeks. I know he will miss us but he will be in good hands! :)

We will post pictures once he is legally our little one but for now... imagine the cuteness that fills these shoes!

Rwanda - Home of My Son-To-Be

Rwanda: Home of My Son-To-be, Land of a Thousand Hills, People of Sorrow & Reconciliation, A Country Close to God's Heart!

The terraced hill sides from Kigali to Kibuye.

Ever since we decided to adopt a son from Rwanda, I've had a deep desire to go there and serve the people... To give back to the place that will give me more than I can ever repay them for- a son. I went with my church, Saddleback Church. Saddleback calls our mission trips- PEACE trips. PEACE stands for: P-plant churches, E-equip servant leaders, A-assist the poor, C-care for the sick, E-educate the next generation. These trips are very intentional and in response to the needs identified by the local churches (not what we think they need).  I also got to focus on our adoption but first I want to tell you about my other experiences with a team of 11 other amazing, Christian servants!

After hours & hours of travel!

When we first arrived we went to the PEACE office in Kigali. Kigali is the country's capital. There they have a very well organized team of people dedicated to the PEACE plan. When any of our church's teams go to serve in Rwanda it is through this "system". It's very cool because it's all in response to the needs identified by the local Rwandan pastors. Our desire is to come along side the local churches and serve them- always giving God and the local church the glory. Our team was requested to help continue what another team began last year, a soccer outreach program. The churches are starting to reach out to the community kids (including the street kids) by starting soccer teams (they LOVE soccer in Rwanda). We also were asked to do a 2 day seminar on how to do Sunday School for the kids. The churches wanted to know how to incorporate the new kids that come to church as a result of the soccer outreach programs.

PEACE office sign in Rwanada - for my Saddleback friends :)

We did the bulk of our "work" in Kibuye, near Lake Kiuv the western boarder of Rwanda. We stayed right behind the local hospital in dorm style houses. We had flushing toilets and running water. We usually had electricity and sometimes hot water. It was very basic by American standards but very nice for local, non-tourist standards. We had a cook who would prepare our meals which was extremely nice so we didn't have to take the time to drive to a near by restaurant to eat every meal. Because we were located right in the middle of town we were able to walk to most our daily activities. This gave us the opportunity to really experience more of the culture. As we walked people would often walk with us and practice their English- especially the little kids! They loved to hold your hands and walk with you. There was a school located right above us on the hill so we got to play with the local kids all the time. It was so fun. We met several street kids (orphans) while walking to and from our activities and it broke my heart. I met one boy, Enrique, who I would've adopted in a heart beat! My friend Ginny and I got to know him a little and some of his story over the days. His story was sad. We did our best to plug him into a local church that welcomed the street kids into their congregation in hopes he would be cared for and get connected to a loving family. Please pray for this dear boy and that a loving family takes him in and cares for him as their own.

Enrique & me

We help put on a huge soccer festival with several local churches. It was so fun! That was one of the main focuses. A lot of meetings before hand and planning- before and after. One of our team members, Joe, is a soccer coach and also helped other local coaches learn drills and team building tools.

The kids loved these dried plant awards! They were so proud!

One of the other things we got to do was visit homes and talk with the people about the sponsorship program our church is involved in. The local church identifies families that has taken in orphans and helps financially "sponsor" that family. All the families we visited were so special and extremely grateful and hospitable. The program involves more than just monetary help. It is a whole program designed to educated people on good hygiene, clean water, growing their own food and micro-enterprise. First the pastors of the churches get trained by the PEACE headquarters staff or Saddleback volunteers on a PEACE trip, then the pastors train certain church volunteers who then go out into the community and teach their neighbors. Usually, the families in the sponsorship program are trained-they call them CPTs (Community PEACE trainers). These families are doing amazing things in their own lives and the lives of others around them all in the name of Jesus Christ. The picture below is taken a one of the CPT's houses. She treated us with corn on the cob- such a giving gesture. In the background you can see one of the filter, which is part of the PEACE clean water initiative. Neighbors come to her to fill up their water jugs with clean water. While they are waiting for the clean water she says she tells them about the true living water- Jesus.

You can see the water filtration system behind us (Ariana, Noel & me).

We also went to the local hospital to pray with the people. It was extremely heavy, since many of those people will not leave alive or will be sent home to die. Most of the people knew Christ so we held their hands and prayed for relief of pain and comfort. It was so heart breaking I can't even describe it. To pray with people moaning in pain, mothers crying for their children... it was real suffering and real pain relying solely on prayers. A stark contrast to the hospitals here in America.

My sisters & I in the hospital courtyard area with head's of staff.

Another sign for my Saddleback friends!!

We got to do serve in several other ways- a lot to share in a brief blog entry... not to mention my adoption stuff. I will share more about that in another entry, another day... so stay tuned ;) I am so thankful God allowed me this experience. It broke my heart in many ways. I've wrestled with God for days about the things I experienced. He is such a mystery to me- CS Lewis had it right when he portrayed God as a wild, loving lion in The Narnia Chronicles. God does things His Own way, in His Own Time. It's not for me to understand but to trust. It's not an easy walk but it is a rich one. If you want to live a life that is more rewarding than anything you can imagine then risk your time, money, and heart by loving beyond yourself.

Kibuye, Rwanda... Here I Come!

I've been thinking about going to Rwanda for a long time, since before we decided to adopt. But now that we are adopting from there, my desire to experience and give back to the country just keeps growing and growing. So with the blessings of my family, I'm going next month! This has been in the works for months but I have been hesitant to commit. It seems crazy to go... why not just wait until it's time to go for our adoption... why spend the money... why take the time... why risk the heart break...

It's hard to explain but I just long to go. When you are pregnant you have the ability to feel your baby growing inside, to feel them move around, to see pictures of them inside you. But for me, I'm missing out on all of that by choosing to grow our family through adoption. And I miss it. I want to go see the country my son is from, I want to meet the people, I want to give back, I want to be close. It seems crazy but if you were in my shoes you would probably feel the same way.

I will be going with our church. We will be taking part in a soccer initiative. Our church's Orphan Care ministry helped start it a few years ago as a way to help the local churches connect with street kids. As an adopting mom, I'm super thrilled to be able to be an advocate for other orphans who need to be connected to families and to understand how big God's love is and that He has a plan and purpose for their lives.




My son didn't want to go, otherwise I would've loved to have taken with me. He would rather stay with his grandparents- both sets- the lucky boy! My husband can't take the time off work. He needs to save his vacation days for when we travel to Rwanda for our adoption (which I naively thought would happen last Christmas but now realistically think it will be this Christmas- but praying it happens much sooner!).

Beautiful Things….. another family's story

I was reading Rwanda adoption blogs. So many families bringing home their children. I love reading the stories... one day I will have such a story to tell. As I was reading, this blog entry just stole my heart. I cried as I listened to the beautiful song I have never heard before and saw the loving pictures of a mom and her new son. I couldn't help but imagine myself and my child in those photos. I pray for his health and well being and for us to be a family soon. Here's a link to a special video. I hope you enjoy it!

Beautiful Things…..

Time flies When Your Having Fun - Really?!?

We have been having a lot of fun around here...  

               but it doesn't make the wait for our adoption "fly"!

So what kind of fun stuff? 

• My parents came out twice! They recently retired and have been on vacation for months now. They rented a condo for 3 weeks near the beginning of the year. It was wonderful, they were only a block from the beach and had beautiful ocean views. Then they traveled some more and recently came back for two weeks. 
• They bought a house only 5 hours away (verses 5 states). Which means we can go visit for weekends!
• I thoroughly enjoyed my Easter break from school! Loved having a whole weeks vacation... can't wait for summer!
• My brother came out and stayed with me during my Easter break to hang out with his favorite sister and nephew!
• I had a very fun birthday party! The most amazing thing about my party is this: my husband arranged it all and asked people to donate to my plane ticket to Rwanda instead of gifts. My friends were so generous! The support I feel is huge! God has blessed me genuine friends - I am truly grateful for the people God has put in my life. They are the REAL DEAL!
• My wonderful husband surprised me with a stand up paddle board for my birthday- he is horrible with surprises so I still can't believe he pulled it off! Watch the video :)

We still haven't heard anything about our adoption. I'm asked at least once a week by someone (if not more) what's going on with the adoption. All I say is, "I'm still waiting, waiting, waiting... but there has been movement!" I continue to hear of families recieving their non-objection letters (a letter from the Rwandan government saying they approve you to adopt) and referrals (information about the child they have matched you with to adopt). I've heard they are in the 80s and we are 143, so still a way to go. I thought this Summer would be the latest we would wait, but it seems like Fall will be the earliest. Now, I'm just hoping it all happens before our home study and everything else starts to expire (it has a year shelf life). Please keep us in your prayers and for things to happen sooner rather than later! Thanks!

In the mean time, I've been spending my "free" time helping put together curriculum with our church for adoptive parents. It's sort of a how-to on parenting children from hard places (like orphanages or foster care or other difficult situations). It's what I have been doing instead of posting on my blog-lol!! I'm really thrilled about it. One side benefit is that all this knowledge is saturating my brain. I'm so grateful for this outlet, I couldn't think of a better way to wait! Such a blessing from God. He has been so good to me.

More Changes Ahead

I've been praying about going to Rwanda before our adoption is completed. We still don't know when that will be and I was thinking of going there on a mission trip. I wanted to go and serve the people from where my son is from to give back to the country. Our church is very involved with Rwanda and has at least a half dozen trips planned this year. I thought it would be awesome to experience, learn and serve my son's birth county and it's people. I hadn't decided anything yet, I was waiting for God to give me a clear answer.

I go my answer. It's a no. Here's the crazy, new reason why...
I just got a unexpected email today from my adoption agency. Apparently, Rwanda will now be requiring all families to be present in Rwanda to sign the Act of Adoption document that must be submitted to court to request a court date to finalize an adoption. This use to be something a Power of Attorney would do on our behalf and we would only have to travel once (later in the process). This document is submitted to the court to request a court date to finalize the adoption. It's sort of a complicated process (I'll spare you the detailed steps involved in the in-country procedures because I don't fully get them even thought I have it spelled out in an email!). It can take a few weeks between the signing of the Act of Adoption document and getting your court date. Therefore, we will have to either stay during the wait or travel twice. If you stay the whole process from arrival to departure could be 3-5 weeks, which includes your exit trip through Ethiopia to get your child's visa.

God answered my prayer about going on a mission trip to Rwanda while we wait. It's an obvious no! This unexpected news adds new complications. I'm glad God answered my prayer but not sure what to make of these new changes. Thankfully, tomorrow is our monthly conference call with our agency. I am looking forward to better understanding what this means to us and what our options are. Rwanda is relatively new to international adoption and we are considered "pioneers" in this process. We knew going into our adoption that it was highly likely Rwanda would change things along the way. Early in the process, I came to terms with the fact that I'm not in control of the process or timing. All I can do is go with the flow and rely on God for the rest. Here is a link to the post I wrote regarding this "letting go" struggle: Where the River goes, I flow

Birthday Blues, Eating and What's Next?

Celebrating our nephew, Sean's 17 bday and our son, Gaven's 9th!

Birthday Blues
My son turned 9 years old this past week. His birthday brought a sadness to my heart - not about him getting older or anything - but about my son in Rwanda getting older without us. We are all longing to have him here and celebrate our lives together everyday. My son talks about him, I talk about him, my husband talks about him. We are so excited to have him come be part of our family and can't wait!! My son's birthday was just a reminder of time ticking away. He was 7 when we started this process. It's been about a year and a half. Our paperwork has been in Rwanda about 5 months now.

Part of what makes it hard is we don't know what to expect as far as a time line goes. From what I've heard Rwanda is processing dossiers in the 40s (we are 143) but we don't know how fast/slow things are going. After they approve a family,  the paperwork then goes over to the orphanage to match a child(ren) with the family . Then the paperwork goes back to the government to start the adoption process. All this is done by 3 people (it use to be only 1 lady doing all this work but they have recently hired 2 more staff). AND they are trying to structure their HAUGE status simultaneously.... all this is why we have no idea what the time line is. I thought we would be matched and ready to travel in April or May... but now I'm hoping summer at the latest... I pray "please Lord soon."

I took this picture just for fun while I was waiting for the presentation to begin.

Eating
I took a class for my continuing education as a Dietitian on kids with eating issues. It was great! I learned a lot of helpful tools on how to expand a picky eaters diet. There was a lot of collaboration, with several of the participants from local feeding clinics. I had no idea of how many kids have problems related to eating for such a variety of reasons. Two of my favorite ideas that could be used for any kid trying new things are a check list & dog bowl and chaining. Here's a brief discription:

• The check list & dog bowl (side note- these are my own titles just to try and summarize in an easy way they are not the professional used names): If you are trying get a child to try a new food you allow them "x" number of times they can scrap the food item into the dog bowl instead of eating (keeping track on a chart they can check off). This allows the child the opportunity to tolerate the food on their plate before scraping it off. Then you can progress from there, depending on the child and the number of times necessary before they can tolerate moving to the next step. (You should never make food issues a battle, it should always be fun and playful. You do not want to risk them going backward and limiting what they eat even more if they already have a limited food list.) Then you could try touching to your mouth without tasting it "x" number of times or touching to your tongue (without having to eat). Then putting in your mouth and getting to spit out - you can have a lot of fun with this skill ;) You can teach them how to hide it in their dinner napkin... who hasn't done that as a kid! Then they need to do one chew and can spit out. Then two chews, then three chews.... you get the idea. These are things you would try slowly at the child's pace- do the same step over and over "x" number of times until they are ready to go to the next step. 
• Chaining: This was a great tool for kids who are brand or color specific (did you know some kids will only eat foods that are a certain color) . Basically you try and start expanding their food list by finding the same food item in a different brand (you can apply the above method of getting use to) then jump to a similar style or color of same item. It probably sounds confusing the way I described it but it's just using baby steps in adjustments.

What's Next?
My husband and I are super excited about a trip we are taking next week to our adoption agency, Gladney. They are hosting a free two day workshop for their parents who are adopting older kids (or have adopted older kids). One of the cool things that Gladney is doing for the parents they invited is giving them a credit on their adoption fees if they attend - basically reimbursing them for the travel expenses. How cool is that?! The other really cool thing - my husband is thrilled to go! I know that may sound strange but he is not a class taker kind of guy yet he was the one who first said we should go. I think it will be a great experience for us as a parenting unit. I'll try to summarize and post some of the golden nuggets we get... I tend to post a lot more entries in my head than actually typed entries to my blog - lol!

A Different Kind of Parenting

Parenting an internationally adopted child (or even a child in foster care) requires a different kind of parenting. I have to throw out all my previous expectations, prepare for the worse and hope for the best! Now THAT is different and not what you would find in your typical new parent/baby book. However, my child will not be the typical child (the typical child in which most parenting books are geared toward- biological)... although he will be a typical child who is adopted from a hard place.

Throwing Out The Expectations
When I say 'throwing out expectations', what I mean is throwing out my preconceived ideas of what I think our adoption experience will be like and more or less just letting it be what is at any given moment. I know that sounds kind of "free" and strange but the more I learn about adopting the more I realize how much I didn't know before and how much I still have to learn. When I went to the week long Dr. Purvis class (and the months of homework preceding it) I learned more than I can process about the internal physiological affects being orphaned and not raised in a stable, loving, ever present  family can have on a child and it's outward manifestation in behavior. Basically, all is not as it appears to the untrained eye and what works (or worked) for my biological son, whom I've cradled and cared for since birth may actually be counter productive for an adopted child. Throwing out my expectations also means realizing that what I am experiencing will be totally different than what my child is experiencing. The day I first hold my child in my arms and know he is forever mine and we take him back to our hotel will be one of the top contenders for the happiest moments in my life. However, it could be the total opposite for my son - it may one of the scariest, uncertain days of his life. I have to be aware that his "Gotcha Day" may be a wonderful anniversary day that I want to annually commemorate with a celebratory type attitude but may be the exact opposite for my son. For him it may be a time he doesn't want to "celebrate" because it gives him mixed emotions, reminds him of his profound loss and stirs up feelings of abandonment. I guess what it boils down to is being more attuned to my son and his internal states (physiologically and emotionally) and being more attuned to my own "undiscovered" expectations.

Preparing For The Worst
My pastor once said to prepare for the worse and hope for the best. I forget the context... I think it was regarding financial planning or something like that. Whatever the context, the phrase stuck with me. It is my job to foresee, to the best of my ability, potential problems and plan accordingly. It doesn't mean they will necessarily happen but it is better to be prepared and proactive than unprepared and reactive. So I've been using my waiting time by continuously educating myself. Right now, I'm reading a great book called Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew. If you are adopting (or adopted or are friends/family of someone adopting) this is and excellent book! I'm about a third of the way through it and love it. It's heavy at times... as is all this learning... but I keep God as my hope and my center and confidant. When my heart is weighed down with grief for my future son's own grief and the grief of other orphans, I turn to my Lord and my Savior. I have seen the reality of this Bible verse in my own life and in many others who allow Him to take over their lives: You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever! It's from Psalm 30:11 & 12... which leads to my next point :)

Hoping For The Best

How can you go through life without hope!?! I can't... at least not very well. For about a year now, I've been wearing the same necklace 24/7. My husband gave it to me last year for Valentine's Day. At that point, we were 6 months into the process of adopting. The necklace is a heart that says HOPE on it. When I first opened it, I didn't really like it much. Not that I wasn't grateful but I just didn't connect with the word HOPE. For me, FAITH was more of a word I could connect with. However, after a few days I realized the orphanage we would be adopting from in Rwanda was called House (or Home) of HOPE! Instantly, I cried and vowed in my heart to not take off my necklace until my son was home. My husband told me he picked it out because he felt it was a word we lived by- HOPE. Ever since then I have been contemplating what he said and how true it is. Not only do I have faith that God will see me through and will make good on His Promises, I have the hope to carry me through until that time. And I know that my Father is my son's Father and will do the same for him... and He will do even better things than I can dream.

Christmas Stockings

The Christmas before my son, Gaven, was born my parents bought us a trio of nice, needlepoint stockings. My husband (Max) and mine had our names embroidered. Since we didn't have our son's name yet (he was to be born in January, right after Christmas) he didn't have a name on his. Gaven's is the one on the far right - the single snowman. Following the same tradition, this year I decided to buy and hang a "matching" stocking for our son-to-be. His is the other blue stocking with the 3 snowmen. Gaven helped me pick it out. We bought it from the same place as the others... he thought it was the best match because it was blue like his and had a snowman. Gaven can go on and on pointing out all the things all four have in common, just the boys have in common, just him and this brother... and on!

I hung our son-to-be's stocking right in the mix with ours even though he will not be coming home for Christmas. His stocking will remain empty. However, I'm filling it with prayers. It is a visual reminder that he is in our hearts this Christmas. It's hard.

It's been a rough month for me thinking about our son in Rwanda and yearning for the time he will be here with us. We have had 2 friends bring their son's home recently, one from Ethiopia and one from Rwanda. Although our families haven't gotten together yet, hopefully soon after the busy holidays, I have been able to connect via phone and email. It makes me long for my son too! These families were at least 9 months ahead of us their adoption process so it's like getting a glimpse into my future. We also had some friends over for dinner who are VERY familiar with Rwanda. That stirred up my emotions too. Although the orphanage we are adopting from is very nice comparatively, it is still an orphanage and there are many issues that come with that. It's hard.

Adoption Update:
I called my case worker yesterday just wanting to check in and talk through some of my recent reflections with her. Her only update on Rwanda was that the first 30 families' files have been processed (although all may not have received their official letters yet because some of their fingerprints and other papers need to be updated first). Hopefully after the next batch of dossiers are processed we will have a better idea of when we can expect our dossier to be approved. I would LOVE to have our son home before summer vacation so that I can have that one-on-one time with him while my son is still in school. However, it isn't looking that way. After our approval it still can take a few months to get the referral (a match with our son) and then a few months before we travel. I can still hope and pray :)

In the mean time, I have asked our adoption agency if they can connect me with another family that adopted an older child. We requested a boy 0-4 years old. From what I have been told by several sources, it is common practice for an orphanage to match a family with their oldest age request - which make sense since most people probably request younger. So most likely, we will be up matched with a 4 1/2 year old. I would love to talk with a family, who adopted a similar age, about their experiences in the country with their child and the first few months. My husband and I also plan to take a course our agency is offering to their families who have or are adopting an older child. So I just keep trying to educate myself and prepare. Our pastor made a comment once that stuck in my brain "Plan for the worse and hope for the best." That's what I'm doing, I'm being proactive and learning as much as I can (without physically being in the situation yet) assuming our child may have attachment, trust, food, sensory and developmental problems as a result of the trauma he has experienced in his short, precious life. Despite the heaviness of it all I remain hopeful. God has NEVER let me down and I trust He NEVER will no matter what the situation is at any given moment.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He WILL give you the desires of your heart." This Bible verse has been my life mantra since become a Christian. It is a source of comfort and truth. I must first delight myself in the Lord. The word delight reminds me of the desire, spontaneity and pleasure of communing with God- not a drudgery duty or obligatory task. I have found that as a result of spending time getting to know God through the Bible, He has showed me my hearts desires. Often they have been hidden by false desires of the world only to be discovered by my willing obedience and joyful service to others. I hold to this truth in the present and when thinking about the future.

My New Parenting Tool Box

There are many things to learn about parenting an internationally adopted child. Being a mommy to our future son from a Rwandan orphanage requires a different kind of parenting. There are many things that I will have to do differently. I thought I would do a mini series of posts about what I learned at my recent Trust Based Relational Intervention training for children from hard places and the effects their previous life trauma on them.

In this short video by Dr. Purvis, she gives a short summary of the bigger picture I hope to "unpack" and couple with practical tools for my new parenting tool box.

Adoption Training in Texas

Dr. Cross, me, Dr. Purvis

 Last week I was able to go with a few other ladies from my church to Dr. Purvis and Dr. Cross's professional training on how to connect with children who have been adopted internationally or in the foster care system. They are the authors of a wonderful book (that every foster/adopt parent should read) called 'The Connected Child'. I have been studying for this course for 2 months and it culminated with a one week intensive on the Texas Christian University campus. I learned so much! Hopefully, in the near future I will post about some of the things I learned. Our team of 4 are all part of our church's Orphan Care ministry. The hope is not only to learn how to best parent my future child but also to help develop a class for the foster/adopt parents at our church. Here's a little video about the sort of things we were about by Dr. Purvis.

Gladney Center for Adoption, Fort Worth, TX

I also had the opportunity to go to check out Gladney, my adoption agency. It was great to tour the facility and learn all about their history. They have a really nice display area in the front lobby telling their history with the artifacts, photos and videos. Something else I didn't know is that they also have an on site dorm for young moms who are planning to adopt their child to another family. Everyone I met had a genuine passion for their job - from the president to the dorm "mom". It was a very warm and caring place.

me & my case workers

 On Friday, my two case workers from Gladney, stopped by the training to have lunch with me! It was such a thrill to get to spend an hour just getting to know these 2 wonderful ladies on a more personal level. I feel like I have two new friends in Texas :)

Adoption Update
I don't have any new news on the time frame for our adoption. However, a Gladney attorney who just got back from assisting in Hauge training in Rwanda said that it was really good. She was impressed with their commitment to orphan care and their overall integrity. She said everyone was really positive and no one ever seemed down on adopting. Rwanda is trying to implement 1 church, 1 child in their own county and encourage domestic adoption. She also said Rwanda has already drafted some of their Hauge framework and hopefully by the beginning of next year they will have a good idea of an implementation date. Another good thing to hear is that they hired 2 more people to help process the current dossiers, although there is no new updates on that end of things. She did say the nuns at the orphanage are anxious to match families. So hopefully once we get our approval letter from Rwanda we will get a quick match.

Join in praying for orphans. You can go to this site where I am posting from God's Heart for the Orphans (a free prayer guide from our church). I've been adding facts and pictures to each days prayer to hopefully make an even deeper connection for the reader. Go here to check it out and let's pray together for the world's orphans! Together, as partners with God, we can change this global issue.

Please Pray With Me

This Sunday, November 7, 2010, is Orphan Sunday
It's an annual day set aside for rediscovering the importance that Jesus puts on caring for orphans. This virtue has been largely lost among the church today. This has not always been the case. The early Church was known for it's sacrificial care for widows and orphans. They knew that over 40 times in the Old Testament, God has commanded His people to care for orphans. They knew that Christ elevated children to a high place in His Kingdom. Caring for orphans was rightfully a part of the DNA of the young Body of Christ - to such a degree that to be Christian was to participate at least nominally in caring for orphans. It was the rare exception not to be. We need to get back to this principle.

I hope you will join me in praying for just a few minutes each day for the next 40 days on behalf of all orphans! Every morning (@ 6:00am), I will post a different, short 2-3 sentence prayer. You can personalize it as you feel led. I hope you'll commit to praying for 40 Days for our world's most vulnerable children...and together help bring God's heart back into the DNA of the church. Imagine going through life with no parents to speak love into your life, to help you blossom into the person God created you to be. They are often institutionalized, abused, neglected, hungry and forgotten. They are lonely, afraid and vulnerable. They are on the streets, in orphanages, and in OUR very own communities.

Please commit to this simple but eternally impactful action and let's see what God does!!! :) pass it on...

I'm not posting in on my blog. You need to go to http://orphancareprayerguide.posterous.com/. I think if you subscribe there you will get the new prayer each day. You can also download it free from our church's orphan care website here. 

Nutrition & International Adoptees

Recently, I viewed a webinar hosted by Adoption Learning Partners about nutrition and internationally adopted children. It is called Food for Thought: Impact of Poor Nutrition in Early Development. The course was only $15. You can still take the course, it's just taped verses live. It's about 1.5 hours, the first hour is lecture and the last 30 minutes is answering questions. As a Registered Dietitian, I was super excited about this course. I have tried researching the topic of malnutrition in internationally adopted children and found the scientific literature scarce. However, it is a growing area of research and focus so hopefully, we will see more and more evidence based practices.

One somewhat unrelated thing I learned from the webinar is that children from Korea are well feed institutionally (in orphanages). I don't know specifics but that is what the pediatric doctor said, a specialist in caring for international and foster care children. Apparently, they are not lacking nutritionally- sometimes they are even overfed! So interesting... I would love to learn more about what they do different there.

Here's some of the basics that I found interesting or important:

First, let me preface all of this nutrition stuff by saying the most important thing we can do for our child(ren) is give them a nurturing, safe, predictable, and sensory rich environment. Internationally adopted children tend to come from environments that are not only nutritionally deprived but social and sensory deprived. I'm leaving next week to finish the course I'm taking from Dr. Purvis at TCU and hope to share more about caring for our children when I get back. It's been a huge, huge resource and an amazingly practical amount of knowledge... Everyone who is (or has) adopted needs this information! OK... back to the nutritional aspect ...

If hunger is a problem in the country, the orphanages probably have an even greater hunger problem!

Growth and Orphanage Kids
We were shown 3 pictures of children and asked to guess the sex and age of each child. I guessed all boys ages 3,5 and 8. I was shocked to find out they were all girls ages 11,14 and 17! These were children raised in institutions. Obviously, growth failure is huge in children raised in orphanages. When compared to local children of matched social-economic status, institutionalized children were significantly smaller and the community children were in the normal ranges. I won't go into the details but it was fascinating to learn about the various factors of why this is the norm. I'm sure you can guess several of the reasons.

Growing Once at Home 
The good news is the catch-up growth is very substantial! There is typically great improvement in height, weight and head circumferences soon after they come home and are fed a nutritious diet. Head circumference is one of the best indicators of cognitive development later in life, so this is a good, good thing. This rapid catch-up growth is essentially complete after a year of being home with you. (Interesting side note: In gastric bypass patients the first year is also the greatest time of impact. The most rapid weight loss period is the first year.) Children often consume 200-300% over the RDA. The RDA is the Recommended Daily Allowance. So these kids are chowing down hard core! :) The doctor said not to worry about overeating the first year home (unless they are eating to the point of vomiting or hording- those are different issues and should be addresses differently). Give them nutritious foods (not empty calories AKA junk food).

Micronutrient Deficiencies
These vary by country (due to the regions food crops and consumptions) and probably even by orphanage (due to possible outside sponsorship). Typically, this doctor finds iron, zinc and vitamin D deficiencies. Cognition, social interaction and attachment can all be affected by these deficiencies. BUT since our children will be consuming more than enough of the RDA the greatest source of intervention in these areas (cognition, social interaction and attachment) will be YOU and ME - the parents! :) He said to have your child tested within 2-3 weeks after coming home.

Overall
Overall, the best way to attend to our child(ren)'s diet is to feed them the best we can and don't make this an area of tension or battle. The doctor said "Give up the control"! Start with feeding them foods that they will eat and are are familiar then slowly add more variety and texture. For some kids, meal time may be an "icky" experience for them, depending on how and what they were fed at the orphanage. Textures may also be an issue for them, again, depending on how and what they were fed at the orphanage. A speech and language specialist may need to be contacted for help (tips and tricks) or if you are in a metropolitan area you may have the awesome ability to go to a feeding clinic! Or you may need be referred to a Registered Dietitian and asked to keep a 3 day food record to assess their diet's specific nutrient composition... The doctor actually said that! It's not a plug for RDs... at least not from me ;)

The Q and A session was all over the place and answered many, many great questions. I thought this was a great resource and the price is great. I tried to just give a brief overview. There were a lot of research data and details I left out that I found helpful in understanding the bigger picture of nutrition in regards to both orphanage feeding and post adoption nutrition.

Personal Note
Hope you find this review helpful. On a more personal note: I just met a lady at work who adopted a brother and sister two years ago from Kazakhstan. The girl is in my son's third grade class! It was so fun to meet her. We both work at the school. She had read a "Praise" note I left on the teacher's work room bulletin board about how we received our 143 number! I am thrilled to get to know her. Seems like there is always an instant connection when meeting other adoptive parents. LOVE it!