Pregnant Without the Belly

This past weekend I went with a few girlfriends on a woman's retreat with my church. It gave my emotions time to play catch up with what is happening (our adoption). Adopting takes up so much of my energy and metal focus. Any extra mental space I have is used up thinking about paperwork - who I need to contact, composing emails, following up with phone calls, organizing and making copies of everything - administrative stuff. Being on the retreat, away from cell phones, email and my file box allowed my brain and heart to connect. It sounds strange but I fell in love with my child this weekend. I was so swept up in the tenderness of my heart towards our future child that it catch me off guard. I have been thinking about it and this morning decided it was like being pregnant but without the belly. You know when you find out your pregnant but you don't know what your having yet... that's a good comparison. I thought a lot about my child, wondering what they were doing, praying for his/her safety, food and stimulation. I am a mom of a second child somewhere out there.

On Saturday the speaker spent some time talking about how God is our heavenly Father and what that can mean to us. During this time, I thought about how I wanted to love on my future child and reflect all the love God has poured out on me back onto my child. I want to be the loving parent for my child the same way God has been a loving parent to me. Today, I came across this Bible verse and thought it was fitting. "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." John 14:18  God adopted me into his spiritual family, He came to me with open arms of love. I want to be this Bible verse for my child. I send up prayers that echo the verse "I will not leave you an orphan, I will come for you." I wish my child could hear me the way a child inutero hears.